Witch Way Q&A: What if your magic is scary?

Plus Live Chat Today at 12:30pm PST.

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INSIDE: A reader asks about what to do when your magic gets out of control; latest episode of Between the Worlds is up; win a reading with me and support trans lives; get some occult strategies; listen to Aliza Kelly interview me about witchcraft and belonging.

NOTE: this email is long, but it’s got lots of pictures! Have a quick scroll! (If it gets cut off in Gmail, click the View Entire Message link at the bottom of your window). And you can all listen to the Voice Over if you need to — normally only available to subscribers!

REMEMBER: Live Chat, “Ask Me Anything” is today at 12:30pm PST on the Substack App. Today is check in day for your Lion’s Gate Spell. You don’t want to miss that!

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Witch Way Q&A: What if your magic is scary?

Hermit Card from the Llewellyn Tarot.

Hi Amanda,

Thank you for the Q & A! Your response to The Deer Listener moved me. I am 28 and have been experiencing depression and grief around childhood trauma work. I feel that I dislodged some things in my psyche and that I have managed to shatter my intention into different levels of consciousness. I feel that there are things at work in me that I don’t have control over and it scares me a lot. I have learned to abstain from divination during this time however I feel that I’m still causing “things” (lightbulbs exploding, lights turning on or off) to happen around me and I don’t know how to get in touch with who or why or if any of it is real. I believe in the ability to face the unconscious but I fear that I am not a skilled enough witch to embark on this journey and have control.

Do you have any guidance on how to move safely through a space like this?

With Gratitude,

The Scared Hermit

Merlin and Vivienne Resting In the Forest, by Gustave Dore.

Dear Scared Hermit,

First let me begin by saying thank you for your vulnerability. I can feel you wrestling with your history, your grief, your power, your future, your hopes and your fears. That’s a lot of wrestling and I can only imagine how exhausting it is.

One of the worst things about going into the underworld is that we don’t know when we’ll come out of it, or if we’ll even make it out. Somehow it would feel more bearable if we knew that we’d be out in a month or a year - we could just grit our teeth and get on with it, but the not knowing is what makes it especially harrowing.

Please know that what you’re doing right now is brave, and I stand by you as you’re doing it.

Before I go on, I have to give my usual speech, even though I know you already know. I am not a licensed clinical therapist. When we’re going through major sojourns through our unconscious, it’s often helpful (if not essential) to seek professional help. But it sounds like you've been doing that already and for that I applaud you.

Okay, on to my advice as a witch…

… I want to get back to what I was saying earlier about the not knowing being the most painful part. Not knowing if the pain will end, or when, not knowing if you’ll be able to control the things that come up, not knowing how deep the grief goes.

It’s all so mysterious, which is what makes it scary.

The word ‘mystery’ comes from the Greek mustērion, meaning something difficult or impossible to understand or explain. In the religious sense, the Mysteries are something beyond human comprehension. They ask questions like:

• What is life?

• Why is there suffering?

• Why do we exist?

• What happens after death?

• How far does the universe go?

• What created the universe?

• What are the gods? Do they even exist?

In ancient times, in order to study the Mysteries, one had to be initiated. That is, one had to be brought in to a secret chamber and given certain rites which would allow initiates to see things the uninitiated could not see, that were hidden from them.

In a sense, that is what is happening to you now. You are being initiated. Remember, Persephone’s initiation begins when she is dragged to the underworld against her will and has to find her way out again.

[My book, INITIATED: MEMOIR OF A WITCH is all about this, in case you want to go deeper.]

There was no guarantee that Persephone would ever make it out. She had to cope with a lot of uncertainty. But eventually she became Queen of the Underworld. Her rites were performed during the Eleusinian Mysteries, and we know that those who participated came out no longer fearing death. That’s a big deal.

Initiations are humbling, just as the mysteries are humbling. We don’t know what’s going on, we just know that whatever it is, it’s more powerful than we are. The Mysteries are beyond our understanding and beyond our control.

You might be wondering how all of this is supposed to help you.

In my experience, much of our greatest suffering comes from trying to control things that are not within our power to control.

You mention you have lightbulbs turning on and off, blowing out, etc., and that you’re afraid because you can’t control it. I can see how that would be scary, and I’ve experienced similar things myself. And…

… what if you don’t have to control it?

It sounds to me that although the lights switching on and off might be scary, it’s not life threatening. What if instead of trying to control it, you paid intention to what you was going on inside your body instead?

You might feel a shock of adrenaline, the hair stand up on the back of your neck, your hands might clench. That’s the feeling of fear. What happens when you allow that fear to roll through you?

Usually what happens in that case is that we don’t die, and eventually, the feeling subsides, and on the other side of that feeling, on the other side of that fear, we find confidence. We find that we have capacity we didn’t know we had.

Beyond fear, we find power, the power to “stay with the trouble” without trying to escape it or control it. THAT is what being a witch is all about. We are not afraid of the deep, dark woods, because we live there. It’s our home.

And once it becomes our home, we can start to find the beauty in it. The night blooming orchids and glowing will o’ the wisps. We make friends with the wolves, and can sleep in the caves with the bats.

Finding peace in the dark is also what the Moon card in tarot is all about.

The Moon from the Pagan Otherworlds Tarot Deck.

Another thing that the Moon card is about is trauma.

It can be particularly difficult to sit with our fears when we’ve experienced a lot of trauma. In trauma, we are forced to undergo situations that overwhelm us, from which we cannot escape.

It makes sense then that people who have experienced a lot of trauma feel particularly terrified when they don’t have control.

It makes perfect sense, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you feel that way. That sense of fear is your body trying to keep you safe.

But that’s where community comes in, where therapy comes in, where friends come in, and where familiars come in.

You don’t have to travel through the underworld alone.

Imagine a scenario where, when the light flashes on and off, you invite your most grounded friend over, and you sit together in the dark, and hold hands on the sofa and just … feel whatever you feel.

Get curious about your feelings. Don’t try to control them, honor them. Just show up for yourself. Say to yourself…

I know this is scary, but I’m with you, I’m never going to leave you, and I have a plan. If it gets too scary we will [go to Mom’s house, go for a walk, call a friend, call my therapist, turn on all the lights and play Mary J. Blige [never fails, that one].

A big part of healing from trauma is increasing your capacity to feel your feelings, be in your body, and be curious rather than reactive.

It’s no accident that those same skills are also necessary to become powerful witches.

Remember, you don’t have to do it all at once. You can go slowly, at whatever pace feels right to you.

Finally, gently, I’d like to remind you that feeling uncomfortable is NECESSARY for healing.

When you say that you “dislodged some things in your psyche and that you have managed to shatter your intention”, that means some of your old patterns and habits have come undone.

Those patterns and habits were probably perfect, a necessary way to keep you safe in unsafe places when you were younger — but now it’s possible you no longer need them.

Before you can find your new form as a powerful witch, you have to let your old form dissolve. You can grow beyond your form as a tiny scared child.

You don’t have to banish the scared child, they need your care and your love. They get a place at the table. But it’s very likely that there are many more aspects of yourself you’re going to meet now, and maybe they can have a seat as well.

First you have to get to know these new aspects of self. And that begins with being curious about them, rather than trying to control them. If you try to control them, they might resist you. But if you get curious, they might soften and become your allies.

For me, in order to be curious rather than afraid, my favorite technique is getting into my body.

Go for a jog, eat healthy food, take a warm bath, practice yoga, pet a cat. Choose something that feels appealing and try it.

You just might notice, eventually, that being at home in your body is not so scary after all. And that you have the power to call yourself home whenever you wish. That IS magic.

But it all takes practice and time. So be patient with yourself. Get support, help is essential. There’s no rush.

And in the meantime, please know that your witches are with you and are sending you lots of strength and love.

Dear, dear, scared Hermit, I hope that helps!

Yours ever,

Amanda

P.S. If you’re a reader and you have a question you’d like me to answer for a Witch Way Q & A, you can send your question to guardian@oracleoflosangeles.com — we’d be delighted to hear from you!

If you have some words of encouragement for our dear Hermit, leave a comment below. Just try to focus on speaking from your perspective, rather than as law. xx

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BTW: The Queen of Cups’s School of Art with Dr. Diana Rivera

Queen of Cups by Stephen Steininger Art.

The most recent episode of my podcast*, Between the Worlds, is up!

The Queen of Cups teaches us to pay attention to our cycles and rhythms. When this card comes up in a reading, something mysterious is rising up from the well of creativity inside you, calling you to bring forth something new and unexpected. Our guest today, creativity expert Dr. Diana Rivera is here to help us take our creative powers seriously and bring our creative babes into being.

Have a listen below!

*Hosted by me, Amanda Yates Garcia, and produced by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs.

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Win a Session With Me (& Many Other Prizes!) by Joining This Raffle for Trans Nonprofits

©2019 Amanda Yates Garcia by Sarah Soquel Morhaim.

For the month of October, a group of public witches & witchy folk are participating in a raffle organized by our beloved Theyfriend Candles to raise money for trans and queer nonprofits.

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• 30 Minute Tarot Reading with Amanda Yates Garcia @oracleofla

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You Need Some Occult Strategies!

I’m SO EXCITED to be participating in this Occult Strategies project put out by Not A Cult media.

I’ve always been a fan of the Oblique Strategies deck created by Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt and use it all the time for my creative projects.

Now a team of radical mystics, spearheaded by Janaka Stucky, has created an occult deck in homage to the original.

This deck will inspire you to make rituals, go deeper into your magical practice, and experiment with new forms in a way that feels easy, like a game!

Featuring magical contributions from: Gabi Abrão (aka SighSwoon), Camille Rose Garcia, Amanda Yates Garcia (aka The Oracle of LA), Pam Grossman (creator of The Witch Wave podcast), Bri Luna (founder of The Hoodwitch), Janaka Stucky, Chelsea Wolfe, and more!

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Witchcraft and Belonging: I Join Aliza Kelly On The Curiosity Report

I was HONORED to be a guest on Aliza Kelly’s magnificent podcast, The Curiosity Report. Aliza is that occult bestie you’ve always wanted, she’s so fun to talk to and deeply knowledgable about all things mystical. You’ll definitely want to check out her show, and her Substack, it’s delicious!

Check out the episode below!

Ep 10. Amanda Yates Garcia: Witchcraft & Belonging

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Finally, don’t forget to join us for the Live Chat today at 12:30pm PST!

• Tuesday, 10/3/23, 12:30pm PT: Live Chat on Substack. Don’t forget to download the APP if you haven’t already. Topics: 8-Week check in about your Lion’s Gate spell results; Building confidence in your magic; how magic works; Pagan theology; Ask-Me-Anything Q&A.

All subscribers welcome to join us!