Big (scary, exciting) News!
I've been wanting to tell you for such a long time...
NOTE: Because this essay is a little on the lengthy side, I’ve made the Voice Over available to everyone, not just subscribers. You can all listen on your way to work. Enjoy! xo
Inside: A story about how I found my path, in the hopes that it might inspire you to recognize the path’s opening in your own life. Plus, Founder’s Level Spell Candle Reminder.
Dear Mystery Cult Initiates,
In 2013 I took a workshop on shamanic divination with Amanda Foulger. During that workshop, there was a practice where we tumbled a large stone in our palms and then asked it a question. By gazing into the stone, you were supposed to get an image of the answer.
My question was, “What is my path?”
In response, the stone showed me something like pre-historic cave art. It was a symbol I had a vague sense I’d seen before. It looked like a squatting figure with another smaller figure attached to it, maybe Australian aboriginal?
I had no idea what the symbol meant. I tried to Google it but “cave painting squatting figure aborginal” yielded no results. Scouring books in the library, I tried to find the image. No luck. Eventually, I forgot about it.
Later that year, I went far out of my way to go to a panel on ghosts and spirits by some academics giving a talk at Pomona college. There was one academic in particular I was interested in. The talk was great, and that was that.
At that time, my business as the Oracle of Los Angeles was still in its toddler stage…
…I also had a job working as a teaching artist for at-risk high school students. It was an intense job, and I didn’t love it. People who do that kind of work should get paid a lot more than they do.
(While I definitely believe the exposure to art helped those kids in the long run, what they were going through in their lives was so difficult — assault, hunger, abandonment, homelessness – focusing on art was a hard sell for a lot of them).
Because my Oracle business was still developing, I wasn’t sure that it would become a sustainable income for me. My goal was to fuse my magical practice and my creative practice and make a living from that somehow, but it was slow going. Sometimes I thought about getting a teaching credential, or a PhD, or becoming a psychologist.
The PhD I was most interested in was at UCLA, the Culture and Performance [CAP] program, which focused on arts activism, critical theory, the arts, healing, and anthropology.
One day, I took my High School students on a field trip to the Fowler Museum, which is run by the same department at UCLA as the CAP program.
When I walked in, I turned a corner and found, to my surprise, THE IMAGE I’D SEEN YEARS BEFORE IN MY SHAMANIC DIVINATION ritual!
I couldn’t believe it. I’d been looking for that image for years and there it was!
But I didn’t really know what to do with that information. I figured it was a strong push towards the PhD program, but for reasons mysterious to me, I still felt reluctant about it.
In 2016, my friend Leonardo had a salon at my house, since he lived in Palm Springs at the time and I had a big place in West Adams. There was one person in particular he wanted me to meet. Friends, guess who it was?
It was Dr. David Delgado Shorter, the same academic who I’d traveled so far out of my way to hear speak several years before! And he was the chair of the CAP program at UCLA!! 😱😱😱
At that point I was like, Universe, I hear you!
[P.S. David has been a guest on Between the Worlds for one of my favorite episodes, have a listen!]
All signs pointed to the CAP program, but…
…that was six years ago, and by that time my business had grown, it was sustainable (not a goldmine, but it was working). I was pushing hard, throwing monthly ceremonies in my living room, doing my Oracle Hour radio show on KCHUNG, showing my work at museums and arts venues, seeing clients (and wayyyyy over delivering, when I look back at all the work I was doing for the price I was offering I don’t know how I’m not just a used-up rind of a person right now).
The Oracle of Los Angeles was working, and it felt good, like I was on the right track, and so it didn’t feel right to get a PhD and just take myself out of the ring for six years.
I think you can see where I’m going with this.
In two weeks (😱), I’m starting the CAP PhD program at UCLA (and David is primary advisor), but, you might be wondering…
Why now? Why did it take me 10 years to decide to do this?
If it was too much for me in 2016, how will I be able to do it now?
My business is successful, I have credibility, I’m doing what I want, I have 2 masters degrees, etc., why do I even need a PhD now?
How is this going to affect Mystery Cult?
Why do I feel scared about it?
Why Now?
The short answer is BECAUSE OF YOU! Mystery Cult, and thus my life, is thriving and financially stable. Now, finally, I will be able to streamline my practices and just focus on you and my studies. THANK YOU so much for your support.
I want to make it worth it for you — and we’ll discuss how I’ll be doing that below.
The second answer may be relevant to your own life…
I’ve been thinking about doing this for 10 YEARS! There were many times that I abandoned the idea and then it came back. One thing I know is that if an idea won’t leave you alone after 10 years, it will never leave you alone.
If there’s something you’ve been thinking about doing for a long time, and no matter how you push the idea away, it returns and returns… it belongs to you.
The dream is not going to let you go. So you may as well just do it.
AND yet, it did take 10 years for the stars to align so that I COULD do this.
If there’s a calling that you’re supposed to do, open yourself to it. If you commit yourself to the call, eventually, it will open a way for you.
Why am I doing this?
The truth is, I passionately believe in the work I’m doing.
In my bones I KNOW that the pagan ontology (the pagan world view) has the power to shift people into living in harmony with the biosphere, and each other.
Yet, for a long time, I’ve felt stuck.
Even though I began this work as an artist, as a radical witch aiming to tear down the establishment, over the past few years (for reasons too complex to get into now), I’ve felt like I’ve been coming up against an iron door.
I keep getting corralled into this “witchcraft as bougie wellness and novelty manifestation device” barn. I don’t feel at home there at all.
I want to be talking about how animism, activism, ritual, relationality, and somatic awareness, are all practices of enchantment. Which already I do talk about. To all of you.
But I need more power and credibility outside of our enchanted island. Because the work we’re doing matters, and we need more people in the world to understand why.
Academia is the establishment. Academia does for sure wield the master’s tools. But those tools can also function as the keys into the master’s castle, where I intend to go, and at the very center, plant a bomb. A seed bomb, where the spirit of witchcraft will grow.
But what about Mystery Cult?
My dear initiates, I believe this journey will only make Mystery Cult a better, richer, even more conceptually reliable place for all of you.
My PhD research interests are: somatics, decoloniality, spiritual ecology, witchcraft, New Animism, relationality, systems theory, Northern European mythology, Native American culture and history, ritual, folklore, esoterica, belonging, and enchantment.
These are subject that I know, if you’re here, you care about and want more of. I plan to share my research with all of you and integrate it into our Moon rituals, monthly Witch Guides, reading groups, and newsletters.
I’ve always believed my work is for people who want more from witchcraft than consumerism and superstition. My people want depth, and intimacy with the animate world, so that’s where I intend to take us.
Okay, so, what about the fear and the excitement?
Let’s start with the fears, here’s a shortlist:
What if I start the program and hate it and then I quit and everyone is disappointed in me?
What if it’s too hard and I fail? (And everyone sees me fail)
What if I have to quit because I don’t have time to do all the reading?
What if it’s a big waste of time and energy and I spend six years doing something pointless?
What if I’m too old?
What if it really stresses me out and makes me cry and I can’t have a relationship or friends because I’m so busy?
What if I go broke? (As a Taurus rising this is – and has always been – an ambient fear of mine).
And the list goes on, but I’m willing to live out the aphorism feel the fear and do it anyway, because I’m a witch, and one of our practices is to transform our fears into desires.
So here’s the desire/excitement list. I desire to:
love my PhD program and feel like my witch work is being refined and strengthened by it in ways I’ve only ever dreamed of, and then share that with all my followers
become even more confident in my capacities as a scholar and writer
read about mythology, decoloniality, history, and ecology, in once inaccessible-to-me libraries and learn from people who have dedicated their entire lives to those subjects
make contacts with people that allow me to do bigger, more powerful projects (I’ve already discussed creating an academic conference on witchcraft here in LA with people on the faculty — wanna come?)
be glad I’m doing this now at 46 instead of waiting until I am 80
get really good at time management so I can do all the things I want and still be close to people
bring in an even more abundant income so that I can – eventually – get some land where I can build an eco-monastery and witchcraft mystery school that can serve the followers of Mystery Project (my long held dream)
As always, my DESIRE WINS!
Well, this email is getting really long, and you’ll all be hearing a lot more about this in the coming months, so I’m going to wrap up.
Thank you so much for your support and your encouragement! It’s the support from all of you that is making this work possible for me. I can’t wait to share this adventure with all of you!
So much love,
Amanda
For Subscribers
Founders Level Gratitude Spell Candle
I’ll be doing a candle spell on your behalf to offer gratitude to the spirits for Mabon, all you have to do is send in your petitions.
Petitions Due: Wednesday, 9/20/23, 5pm PT.
Instructions:
Petitions are short statements, similar to prayers, that are offered to the spirits with gifts in order to bring about a desired result. [If you want more information about this, click here and scroll down to the bottom].
This time, because Mabon is a Thanksgiving holiday, these petitions are all about offering the spirits gratitude for the blessings you have in your life.
You can write a gratitude petition for a gift you’d like to acknowledge, something going well that you’d like to continue to go well, or for something you’d like to go well in the future as if it has happened already (example: “thank you for helping me find an apartment in Edinburgh next summer).
I’ll send you pictures when it’s done.
Please note, this spell is solely for Founder’s Level subscribers, as a gift for their commitment to supporting my work.
Ordinarily, these group candle spells would cost $40 per person, but Founder’s Level subscribers get 8 per year included in your membership (which means you’re getting them for about $1.50 a piece. Wow!)
If you’re a Yearly Subscriber and would like to become a Founder, it’s only $10 more per YEAR. You can set it up by clicking the subscribe button below. If you feel super committed to this work, Founder’s Level is the way to go.
Reading Group Reminder: The Uses of the Erotic
Thursday, 9/21/23, 6pm PT. Text: The Uses of the Erotic by Audre Lorde. Read some of the commentary from the last reading group here.
What if you succeed? what if you maximize the potential of your dream? Thank you for being so brave and choosing us to ride along during this journey!
Amanda this is SO inspiring and I also 100% relate to your fears. It is also my dream to one day go back and get my PhD. The machine of acdemia needs some witches to break the mold and the gears that are only serving to crush and not liberate!